The Problems With Having an Extended Family

Definitely I am not complaining about my endless supply of tias, tios and primos that I met when living abroad for close to three years. It just seems that as the circle gets wider, so does the potential to lose someone you adore.

My father's best friend from the University had to flee Bolivia in the 1970s because of political oppression at the hands of the military dictatorships. Back then, he was a bit of an izquierdista, and rather to meet the fate of other Bolivians on a hit-list, he took a chance and landed in Mexico.

Thirty years later, he would eventually re-marry with a Mexican woman, who would somehow become my tia. I say somehow because even though I knew her a short time in 2001, it seemed as if I knew her my entire life. She was one of the most cariñosa people I have ever met. She would also affectionately call me "chico".

Soon after they returned to Mexico after visiting Bolivia for the first time in over thirty years, I would correspond with her through the internet. Telling her about my wonderous travels throughout South America, she would always end her reply email asking me when I would visit Mexico. Soon, I would say, yet circumstances never really lent themselves for such a visit. After a planned fall trip to Bolivia, I hoped to go to Mexico in the Spring of 2005. It would so great to spend time with them in el D.F., taking me to special and obscure places in that capital.

However, that visit will never take place the way I always imagined it would.

Today, my mother told me that she had passed away. After a sudden illness, she was gone in less than 48 hours. Someone who had never been part of my life before the year 2000, it suddenly feels that my closest relative had left.

This is the third death in the past year that took place while I was thousands of miles away. The news reaches me through cell phone, email and computer screens. Yet, their deaths never seem real to me. The fact that I am so far away, makes their absence feel the same that it always has been. Now that they are gone, how do I really know that they just aren't far away?